We’re pleased to launch our newly re-designed website. We hope you’ll find it’s much easier to navigate and find the content in which you’re interested, for instance:
To coincide with the new website launch, we’ve also branched out on social media. You can now follow HAND on:
“If you know someone who has lost a child, and you’re afraid to mention their child because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died-you’re not reminding them. They didn’t forget they died. What you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and this is the greatest gift” – Elizabeth Edwards
Dear HAND Families-
Helping After Neonatal Death closed its 33rd year providing grief support services to families who have lost a child before, during, or shortly after birth. HAND is run exclusively by volunteers – all bereaved parents – in the Bay area. HAND relies entirely on your support, so grieving parents can receive our services for free.
Sadly, we don’t live in a world in which infant loss doesn’t happen and grieving families are not in need. Everyday more and more families are in need of a helping hand to support them at this difficult time, though we don’t get the opportunity to help them all the ones we do are supported forever. HAND currently runs grief group support meetings in the Los Gatos area; and fields support calls on a daily basis from grieving parents, families, friends and health providers. We provide local hospitals with materials to assist grieving parents and run two annual events celebrating the lives of the babies we have lost. All of these services are provided by our selfless volunteers who need your help. Though a small and mighty group, we are always wanting to welcome new HAND volunteer!
HAND families joined together on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to celebrate the memories of all the precious babies gone to soon. Though difficult the service was touching allowing our HAND families to spend the afternoon reflecting upon their losses and gathering strength among those who understand the journey.
We once again gathered in December for our Holiday Craft night. This is a wonderful family event allowing parents, grandparents, siblings and friends to create a memento in honor of their children.
We asked parents what HAND means to them, and here are some highlights:
“HAND has helped me with the loss of my granddaughter. I’ve been to a couple of meetings with my daughter and I feel all the love and support that she and I get from the other Moms who have experienced the sadness of loss. My daughter has also met a great group of moms who have formed a supportive network.” “HAND is a support system that continually reminds me I am not alone in my journey and provides me hopes in getting through this difficult time.”As we look to 2018 and all that we hope the New Year brings- HAND needs you. We have been unable to resume our support meetings in the Modesto and East Bay areas. We are looking for new meeting facilitators to help in those areas, as well as, an editor to help with revamping our publications. If you are interested in either of these roles please reach out to us at info@handonline.org. We would love the New Year to bring more volunteers to our HAND family.
Ways you can help support HAND’s mission:
Volunteer time to support families in need. As mentioned we have various positions available for those looking to donate their time. Please contact us at info@handonline.org or 888-908- 4263 if interested. Provide a financial contribution to make it possible to offer HAND’s services and materials at no charge to newly-bereaved families. Talk about HAND to others it can be especially helpful, reminding people that pregnancy and infant loss is common, and that HAND is available to help.I wish you all a safe and happy 2018!
Sincerely,
Kelly Symons | President, 2017-2018
Forever remembering Hadley Avery Symons
Please join us on Thursday, December 7th for our annual HAND Holiday Craft Night!
Thursday, December 7, 2017 from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM PST
Mission Oaks Community Hospital (cafeteria)
15891 Los Gatos-Almaden Road
Los Gatos, CA 95032
HAND will provide craft materials for you to make a holiday keepsake or ornament to remember your angel child(ren) during the holidays.
Coffee and beverages will be provided by HAND, and guests are welcome to bring a dessert or appetizer to share.
HAND would like to invite you to come together with other families and celebrate the memories of your precious babies. The service will have music, poetry readings, and a potluck meal afterward where you can reconnect with old friends or make new ones with families who have experienced the loss of a baby. Families and friends are welcome to attend this memorial celebration.
We realize that after the loss of a child it can be painful to see other children. Please remember that the children present at the service have suffered the loss of a brother or sister or may be subsequent children. Parents who have children in attendance are very sensitive to the fact that there are newly-bereaved families present. We all attend the service for the same reason: to honor these special family members who have died.
HAND will provide beverages. Please bring a potluck dish to share.
For more information email Kelly Symons at info@handonline.org
This year’s event will be held at a new location…
Sunday, October 1, 2017 ~ 1:00pm – 3:00pm
Quinlan Community Center – Cupertino Room
10185 N. Stelling Rd., Cupertino, CA 95014
On-line Service of Remembrance RSVP Form
Please check all that apply and mail your responses and donations to:
HAND – Service of Remembrance, P.O. Box 341, Los Gatos, CA 95031
Please make all checks payable to HAND.
Items must be postmarked by September 1, 2017.
For more information, contact Kelly Symons at info@handonline.org
Please click on the button below to connect to PayPal and note “2017 Service of Remembrance” in description.
Make Donations with PayPal – it’s fast, free and secure!
Directions from East Bay or South Bay
Take I-880 South toward San Jose. Merge onto I-280 North
toward San Francisco. Take the De Anza Boulevard exit, turn
left onto N. De Anza Blvd. Turn right onto Stevens Creek Blvd.
Turn right onto N. Stelling Rd. 10185 N. Stelling Rd. is on
the left
Directions from the Peninsula
Take 101/Bayshore Freeway heading South toward San Jose.
Merge onto CA-85 toward Cupertino/Santa Cruz. Take the
Stevens Creek Boulevard exit. Turn left onto Stevens Creek
Blvd., turn left onto Stelling Rd. 10185 N. Stelling Rd. is on
the left
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and each year HAND holds a Service of Remembrance in Northern California to provide families in the community with an opportunity to honor and celebrate their baby’s life.
The Service usually consists of music, parent poetry, a reading of our children’s names and keepsakes for families. Afterwards, there is a potluck which gives parents the chance to talk and spend time with other families who have experienced a similar loss.
“You were carried for only a moment, but you are loved for a lifetime” – Unknown
Dear HAND Families-
Helping After Neonatal Death is closing its 32nd year providing grief support services to families who have lost a child before, during, or shortly after birth. HAND is run exclusively by volunteers – all bereaved parents – in the Bay area. HAND relies entirely on your support, so grieving parents can receive our services for free.
Though we would like to believe in a world in which infant loss doesn’t happen and grieving families are not in need, that is not the case. Everyday more and more families are in need of a helping hand to support them at this difficult time. HAND currently runs grief group support meetings in the Los Gatos area; and fields support calls on a daily basis from grieving parents, families, friends and health providers. We provide local hospitals with materials to assist grieving parents and run two annual events celebrating the lives of the babies we have lost. All of these services are provided by our selfless volunteers who need your help. We were lucky enough to have 2 new volunteers join us in 2016, but we are always looking for ways to reach more families and provide more support for those who are grieving.
HAND families joined together on a brisk Sunday afternoon to celebrate the memories of all the precious babies gone to soon. We moved SOR to a new location this year, and though we missed the beauty of Sanborn, this provided us with a great space to honor our loved ones. HAND families spent the afternoon reflecting upon their losses and gathering strength among those who understand the path we are walking.
For the past few years we have held a Holiday Craft night, giving families another chance to come together. This is a wonderful family event allowing attendees to create a memento in honor of their children.
We asked parents what HAND means to them, and here are some highlights:
“HAND gives us an extended group that understands all we have been through and makes us feel we are not alone in our pain.” “HAND is a support system for our whole family. The meetings allow us to share and remember our child.” “HAND has given us the best support from day one. The phone volunteers and group meetings have provided light in a dark time.”As the year closes and we look to 2017 you may be looking for a way to give back. HAND is always in need of new volunteers to help us continue to support those dealing with new and past losses. Sadly, this year we had to temporarily stop our support meetings in the Modesto and East Bay areas. We are looking for new meeting facilitators to help in those areas, as well as, some new phone volunteers. If you are interested in either of these roles please reach out to us at info@handonline.org. We would love the New Year to bring more volunteers to our HAND family.
Ways you can help support HAND’s mission:
Volunteer time to support families in need. As mentioned we have various positions available for those looking to donate their time. Please contact us at info@handonline.org or 888-908- 4263 if interested. Provide a financial contribution to make it possible to offer HAND’s services and materials at no charge to newly-bereaved families. Talk about HAND to others it can be especially helpful, reminding people that pregnancy and infant loss is common, and that HAND is available to help.I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season.
Sincerely,
Kelly Symons | President, 2016
Forever remembering Hadley Avery Symons
“Those we love don’t go away, they walk besides us everyday” – Author Unknown
Dear HAND Families-
Helping After Neonatal Death is closing its 31st year providing grief support services to families who have lost a child before, during, or shortly after birth. HAND is run exclusively by volunteers – all bereaved parents – in the Bay area. HAND relies entirely on your support, so grieving parents can receive our services for free.
Though we would like to believe in a world in which infant loss doesn’t happen and grieving families are not in need, that is not the case. Everyday more and more families are in need of a helping hand to support them at this difficult time. HAND runs grief group support meetings in 3 different areas; and fields support calls on a daily basis from grieving parents, families, friends and health providers. We provide local hospitals with materials to assist grieving parents and run two annual events celebrating the lives of the babies we have lost. All of these services are provided by our selfless volunteers who need your help. We were lucky enough to have 3 new volunteers join us in 2015, but we are always looking for ways to reach more families and provide more support for those who are grieving. We would love the New Year to bring more volunteers to our HAND family. We currently have three open Board positions (with various time level commitments) and two field level positions working directly with families.
HAND families joined together on a sunny Sunday afternoon to celebrate the memories of all the precious babies gone to soon. The families spent time together reading poems, listening to music and reciting the names of all HAND babies. It was a time for all to connect with peers and make mementos in honor of their children. This day allows us time to reflect upon our losses and to gather strength among those who understand what we have all been through.
We asked parents what HAND means to them, and here are some highlights:
“HAND was a source of immense light, generosity and solace at a time of tremendous darkness for my husband and I. HAND connects us to other parents who just understand. We are always grateful HAND has given us a place where we can talk openly about our beloved babies.” “HAND helped us grieve and showed us that our grieving process was different from other losses. The meetings helped us to understand what we were feeling and taught us how to cope with our frustrations and each other.” “HAND: A place to grieve, remember and love our loved ones with those who truly understand.” “HAND helped me know I was not alone in the loneliest of times. The support of friends I met through HAND has helped me through the grieving process.”As the year closes and we look to 2016 many may be looking for a way to give back. HAND is always in need of new volunteers to help us support the families who may experience a loss in 2016 and to continue to provide support to those dealing with past losses.
These are some of the way you can help support HAND’s mission:
Volunteer time to support families in need. We have various positions available for those looking to donate their time. Please contact us at info@handonline.org or 888-908-4263 if interested. Provide a financial contribution to make it possible to offer HAND’s services and materials at no charge to newly-bereaved families. Talk about HAND to others it can be especially helpful, reminding people that pregnancy and infant loss is common, and that HAND is available to help.I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season.
Sincerely,
Kelly Symons | President, 2015
Forever remembering Hadley Avery Symons
“To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself” – Dr. Burton Grebin
Dear HAND Families-
Helping After Neonatal Death is closing its 30th year providing grief support services to families who have lost a child before, during, or shortly after birth. HAND is run exclusively by volunteers – all bereaved parents – in Northern California and the Central Valley. HAND relies entirely on your support, so grieving parents can receive our services for free.
Unfortunately, infant loss continues to happen every day and more and more families are in need of a helping hand to support them at this time. HAND runs grief group support meetings in 3 different areas; and fields support calls on a daily basis from grieving parents, families, friends and health providers. We provide local hospitals with materials to assist grieving parents and run two annual events celebrating the lives of the babies we have lost. All of these services are provided by our selfless volunteers who need your help. We are always looking for ways to reach more families and provide more support for those who are grieving. We would love the New Year to bring more volunteers to our HAND family.
HAND families once again gathered on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon to celebrate the memories of all the precious babies gone to soon. The day was spent reading poems, listening to music and reciting the names of all HAND babies. Families spent time connecting with peers and making mementos in honor of their children. It was a time to reflect upon losses and to gather strength among those who understand what we have all been through.
Volunteers are the backbone of the HAND community and no other was more dedicated to our group than Shirley. Shirley loss lost her battle with breast cancer on May 9th. We at HAND mourn the loss of Shirley and are doing what we can to honor her legacy. She always put others first and helped countless families begin to heal after their losses. After attending many grief meetings herself, she joined HAND’s board and also ran our subsequent pregnancy meetings. She made our group stronger and we will miss her presence.
We asked parents what HAND means to them, and here are some highlights:
HAND has given us a place to grieve. Because the world outside doesn’t understand, HAND gives us the opportunity to meet others who do. This is a place where we know we are not alone and that there are others who are just like us. We are very grateful for the services HAND offers. HAND has been a wonderful support in helping me not only get through the grief of losing my daughter, but also giving me meaningful ways to celebrate her life. HAND: A place to process the hardest thing; to cry, to share, to grieve, to meet wonderful people who share a terrible bond. HAND means kindness to me. Ever since participating in HAND Services Of Remembrance, we are greeted with warmth and gentleness. THANK YOU for being there for us.What can you do to make a difference in the life of someone dealing with the loss of their little one(s)? I came to HAND to honor the memory of my daughter in 2010. I never knew how much I myself would be helped by helping others. Though my grief is no longer new it will never go away. Being a part of HAND and helping those on their journey heals me a little more each year.
These are some of the way you can help support HAND’s mission:
Volunteer time to support families in need. There are small and big ways to help others, please contact us at info@handonline.org or 888-908-4263 if interested. Provide a financial contribution to make it possible to offer HAND’s services and materials at no charge to newly-bereaved families. Talk about HAND to others it can be especially helpful, reminding people that pregnancy and infant loss is common, and that HAND is available to help.I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season.
Sincerely,
Kelly Symons | President, 2014
Forever remembering Hadley Avery Symons
During labor it was clear to us that the baby may not live. We could tell the NICU team member was trying to feel us out to see where we stood on intervention. It was January of 1989. We told them to do what they could. I wish we would have been told more about what would happen to Niki if they decided to be heroic. We were so naïve. We had no idea the very horrible things they were going to have to do to this tiny 1 lb. 4 oz. body. We did not know the long term effects of being on a ventilator – we didn’t know about blindness, BPD, brain bleeds or NEC. We didn’t know it would still be months before we knew if she would live or die. May be we would have said something different to the NICU team when questioned. Maybe I would have left this tiny body die in my arms because it was born too soon and needed to. We had no idea what we were in for.
After delivery it was thought that I had a pulmonary embolism so I was rushed to CCU and given medicine to thin my blood. It had been a few days since I had eaten and I’ll never forget the dear nurse who came on at midnight. After discovering we were still up she told us someone was making a Dairy Queen run and did we want sundaes. A while later she sat with us in the middle of the night eating sundaes-when I finally broke down crying hysterically. I realized several hours had passed and I had not even seen my baby. She painstakingly arranged for me to be taken down-with all the wires and monitors I was connected to – to see Niki. I am grateful to this nurse for her intuition, compassion and caring.
Once I was discharged, I remember calling the hospital that night and getting a nurse named Diana. She was very honest and informative. She asked me if I was pumping my milk. I said no that they had given me something to dry up my milk and she seemed disappointed. She told me it wasn’t too late if I wanted to. Why hadn’t I been given a choice? Why wasn’t I told that my milk would be so much easier for Niki to digest if we got to that point? Why wasn’t I told that it MAY help me to feel that “I”, her mommy, was at least doing SOMETHING. I am very grateful for Diana even though I buried Niki while trying to get my milk to dry up, she did get some of it. She DID get a part of me.
Diana was a Godsend. She decorated little pillowcases with brightly colored markers to put on top of her isolette to protect her from the bright lights and glare. We arrived one day to find she had tied a piece of pink silk ribbon around her head with a bow. She made signs that said things like “Good morning mommy and daddy – I weigh 2lbs. Today!” She cared. She treated Niki like a person.
The doctors were around, they were busy and they met with us very infrequently. We were not told often of their decisions. The nurses and the respiratory therapist were the greatest. We were not prepared for her to die at any time. Although I do remember asking if her body could die if it needed to and never really getting an answer. There were no counselors around the hospital, although we had a private counselor that I had used in the past. We always had the impression that they felt she was a miracle baby. There was no surfactant for the lungs back then and so it was amazing the day she went off the ventilator and went to CPAP. I finally, 2 months after birth, got to cradle her in my arms. The tiny 2lb. body felt so fragile and yet so wonderful in my arms. Someone took a picture of me and the nurse that delivered her. I shopped for baby furniture later that day with a friend. They really felt she was going to go home. Scott held her the next day. He was so happy and looked so relieved. Later that night the phone rang saying to come quick. We hung up and called back- partly not sure what had happened or if they had really called. “Just come” they said. We arrived to be shuffled into the parents room. They told us she was dying and they were trying to keep her alive until we arrived. We had NO discussions with anyone about this possibility and were not prepared. I became out of control hysterical – so Niki died on that table surrounded by the hospital staff that had tried so hard – but without her mom and dad. They brought her to me after she died and I couldn’t even control myself then. I have many regrets now that she died without me. That all I could do was hug that small lifeless body for a short time. I was too shocked and overwhelmed. I wish someone would have told me how much I would regret that. I wish I had some counseling about death prior to her dying.
All the nurses and most of the doctors came to the funeral. I know they were hurting – I could see it in their eyes and tears. That same special nurse, Diana, and I had become friends. She was there for Scott and I after Niki died any time we needed her. We spent a lot of time together just talking about Niki and our experience. She is an amazing, loving person. We moved away, but we still maintained contact and she cheered us on through our next pregnancy.
Now 7 years later I still think of Niki and her short life. We know she would have been blind and probably had at least mild CP. I can only hope that something happened along the way that taught those doctors and nurses something about medical technology or about humanity that has helped another little baby live – that her life was not in vain. She would be in 1st grade – would we have been able to correct her eyesight? I do not think my heart will ever feel content and peaceful – it aches for her still.
